Hindsight is 2020

Good Day and Happy New Year.

2019 was a year that I am honored to put in the pages of the past. So many things happened good and bad, it was really bittersweet. It hit me like a fist to the heart this morning how much I miss the days of "auld lang syne," with my family, old friends, life in general. In certain moments I get clear visions, one like the one that just came to me, that my brothers and I would laugh TOGETHER, cry TOGETHER, bend over backwards to help each OTHER, care less about the subconscious past hurt from another brother that so easily lingers on and on, like a cancer, and grows, that these old feelings would die out and be replaced with a heart of LOVE (patience, kindness, not envious, not boastful, not dishonoring, not self-seeking, not easily angered, keeping no record of wrongs and all the rest that those verses so clearly state.) How much higher each one of us would fly, how much further each of us would go, how much more beautiful life would be. Tears break through my own calloused heart, smothering it, soothing it, bringing it to life again with just the thought of what could be. I already don't like what I have wrote. It does not come out the way I feel it and see it. Oh well, I will keep writing and maybe my thoughts will more accurately show up on the page. I am rusty. My last blog was over 5 years ago. This is my first blog in Kentucky and I have lived here for nearly five years. Let's talk about that for a while... Kentucky began on a trip north to see a beautiful farmhouse near Danville, Kentucky where Jack, Amy and I trekked from our home in Atlanta to see what could be, where we could go, but not quite where we are. We did not end up there, we ended up in a small white ranch in the city of Lexington. This was after living in three different other locations around Lexington during a five month period between May and October 2015. Not ideal, but it got us through that time. To put it clearly, Kentucky has not been a "lucky" place if I add up all the challenges we have had to overcome here. Seems like it has been one after another for the entirety of our life here... and yet... we feel at home here. We have met more kind hearted people in this place than probably anywhere that I have lived in my life in total. The trade has been worth it. We are hoping very much that the challenges subside, but in reality, as the old adage says "life is full of challenges," so I won't hold my breath. I will just continue to prepare for them, plodding hard into the future in good faith that the beauty of that farmhouse in Danville and so much more will come to us someday... and yet... if it doesn't that will be quite ok. It will be what it will be. I think of that old Bruce Lee quote, "Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one." Or maybe the song I put on a past blog in the memorable year of 2007 from Martina McBride, "You can spend your life building something from nothing. One storm can come and blow it all away. Build it anyway." Which leads me to this year.

2020 I would like to listen closer to those trying to help me, correct me when I am wrong, constructively criticize me, put me up, tell me when I have done something good, whether it be bad or good, if it is truthful, that I am ready to take it. I would like to be a better husband to my wife, one that she can truly say she is proud to know and come home to, one she is excited to be with. One that can carry her through tough times, love her and help her and be there for her when she needs it most (cliche I know, but the point remains the same.) I feel like I have been a little bit clueless over the past seven or so years, picking up little clues along the way. Confidence rides like a roller coaster in this category. If I ever wished she loved me then I must love her first, no matter how dry the climate, how hardened the relationship gets... it is the only way I know to find a way back to true love. I must give... and give... and when I think I have given enough... keep on giving. Boy do I struggle with this. One day, one hour, one minute, one moment at a time. On the bright side, no surprise it is that Mann Solar is growing, becoming something that really can help those in search of a way to find electrical independence, a great, steady investment, those ready to purchase their electricity from the Sun rather that rent it from the power company. It is no surprise because I have used 80% of my good waking hours working on it, planting seeds, building it, tending to it, something I could be doing more of in any of the above paragraphs. I hope soon I will be able to take percentages of this away from this and share them on the above, but as anyone who has built a business knows, it must first be able to stand on its own two feet without me. That day has not come yet. Maybe in 2020... that is the plan. Yet I always must remember, it was my choice to do this... and I do. I understand this. It is a decision I have made and become quite ok with. It is an inlet and an outlet as it is something I believe in... The tennis has continued and the bagpiping as well. I cherish these outlets. They have put me in front of some wonderful people whom I have been fortunate to build relationships and friendships with, they have given me the fulfillment of knowing that I don't live this life only to help me and mine, but to in some micro way pursuade the world around me to be a little bit sweeter, better every time I head out to the tennis court or head off to play another pipe gig. On the selfish side, the piping has given me a chance to travel the country roads of Kentucky, Georgia, and North Carolina (respectively, looking back) which is something I love. To play music on the car radio and use that time to regain my own perspective in some small way, to realign myself onto a path more accurately walking with God. My pipe band, Kentucky United Pipes and Drums, a beautiful family in and of itself that I am lucky enough to be a part of, has given me the chance to become its President, a role I have very much to grow into. Entering my second year in this position, I hope to help this band make real headway in what seems to be its three main goals: Grow the band, win competitions, and increase our performances. On the tennis side another super-fine family exists at the Lexington Tennis Club Ever since that first day sitting in Jo's office and Don Carbone walked in and gave it to me straight, saying; "Look, we're not gonna give up on you as long as you don't give up on us." I knew then that this was the place for me to work. Ever since, I have had the pleasure of meeting and working with the best work family I could ever ask for. These people are gold. I am blessed. Through every hiccup and every rough road I hit on my last 4 1/2 years of life in Kentucky, they rode it out with me, only to tell me in person at the end of each year that they appreciate me so much. The words Don spoke from the beginning have held so true. This truth is the firm backbone that the relationship I have with LTC is dependent on. Lucky me, lucky me. Looks like it's time for Amy, Freckles and I to go and enjoy this New Year's Day at the Red River Gorge. One thing I have been telling myself is that I would start writing again, even if it comes out rough, I imagine it will smooth out in time, and even if it doesn't I'll just keep on writing... because. Hope you all have the greatest year in 2020, and may your foresight be 2020. Signing off, ~ TennisPiper