The Crazy Train - Part II

All that you can't leave behind, plus much much more!

Day 1: Tuesday, October 2nd, 2007

So here we all are, in the busiest alley I've ever been in my life, blocking traffic with my big Crazy Train of carnies, trying to get Neil's stuff packed in, on, and around the van, anywhere it will fit. People in cars are honking their horns, store-owners are swearing at us for blocking their two parking spaces, saying they have a customer coming in five minutes, and Tony and Cody (riders 2 and 5) are telling everybody to chill out, while I'm on top of the van trying to get Neil's dollar store mini ratchets to work. Finally #3, Kumara the hippy, gets my keys and moves the van in to a semi better space, while I'm still up there on top trying to figure out these ratchets. Anyway, Tony and Cody help me get the ratchets working and we've finally got everything strapped in, all-the-while people continue honking and swearing at us - at this point a few foul words slipped out of my mouth directed toward the impatient drivers. With the help of Tony and Cody we finally got everything strapped in and we were on our way. It's about 3pm now and our goal is to get to Flagstaff, Arizona by the end of Day 1 (as per my trip itinerary I made the night before.) This is supposedly seven hours in a nice car in good traffic. All I know is we are on the road - first stop, a grocery store where we can grab some snacks for the road and Neil can get some cash back to pay me his first half. (pic below of Tony, aka Al Capone, outside the van in L.A.)By the time we actually get on the freeway toward our destination it is around 3:45. Rush hour starts around this time in L.A. It took us about 1 1/2 hours to actually get out of the whole L.A. vicinity, as every freeway/road/street was wall to wall with cars - no shortcuts here!

Out of L.A. and up the grapevine (a nickname for where the freeways hit the steep slope of the mountain range surrounding L.A.) This is always a fun adventure in my van, as you all well know from June. Keep in mind this time we have six total passengers weighing in at over 1000 pounds, plus about 500-600 pounds in luggage, plus 110 pounds in dogs, for a total of around 1700 pounds, excluding all of my stuff. Most of this weight was in the back of the van, which wasn't a bad thing, since it is a rear wheel drive vehicle, but it was very bad for bumps. We only had to stop one time before we went up the grapevine to let it cool. It was okay the rest of the way. By this time, I'm beginning to relax, believing that this van full of passengers would really make it.

So how is the crew getting along? Kumara is loving it, sitting up front and singing along to all my music CD's, the dog owners are chilling in the back with their dogs, who have begun to quiet down now (the two small ones liked to yap a lot, while Tony's dog was totally relaxed and laid back, just what we needed.) Then there was Neil, aka Genie in a bottle, who seemed to have an endless supply of facts and jokes that he loved to spurt out inadvertently, in a non-stop sort of manner. Neil stood up front between Kumara and me if he wasn't cooking, cleaning, organizing, or sleeping on the ground between us (see pic.)



We had to take several stops along the way to let the dogs/people out to stretch their legs and what not. By a few hours in I was noticing a bit of tension building between Neil and Tony. Neil seemed to like to play manipulative games and Tony did not like it. More on that to come.

Below is a pic of the back of the van (nice and snug ;)



So anyway, we arrived at Rob's in Flagstaff by about 2:30am that evening. All were invited to come sleep inside, but Neil and Tony preferred the van. So Rob and I sat outside for a bit to drink a beer and catch up on life when his roommate's friend came outside and coldly said, "What the hell is all this?" as he was pointing inside the door at the couple and Kumara who were sleeping inside in the living room. This guy was obviously drunk and I could see right away this was going to be a problem. Rob explained who the people were and why they were there, explaining that he had already spoken to the roommates about it, but this drunk was not going to leave us alone. He then proceeded to accuse Rob of being a mooch and not pulling his end as a roommate. Keep in mind it is about 3am right now. Who accuses someone of these things at this time of night, especially when this person doesn't even live or pay rent at this place??? This guy thought it was the perfect time, and after a bit of listening to him talk in circles and just picking up on his ridiculous demeaner while watching Rob defend himself over and over, answering with logical answers, knowing what I already do about Rob, it was time to chime in. I told the guy basically that he was full of it and had no right doing what he was doing at this time of night in a place in which he did't even pay rent, and I explained how good of a guy Rob was to me as a 'roommate' in June, always doing more than his share. This didn't shut the idiot up either. He now just wanted to argue for the sake of arguing. This is when the couple came out and said they would just sleep in the van. 'Oh great,' I thought, 'there is barely anywhere in the van for these people to sleep.' Rob and I both pleaded with them not to go to the van, but they politely insisted. Now I was really upset at this idiot. I don't like to fight people, but sometimes that threat needs to be put out there, just to let them know that you are for real. Well, this seemed to work. The drunk took us seriously, felt like an idiot, and proceeded to leave, or did he go to bed? I don't remember, I do remember that we didn't see him again while in Flagstaff.

Day 2: Onward to Colorado Springs (pic below of the motley crew in front of the Crazy Train in Flagstaff)






Alright, I cooked up some egg & cheese tortillas for the crew, then played some motivational tunes on the pipes for all to hear, and we were on our way. It's about 11:30am now, as we all slept in and a few took showers in the am. Destination: Colorado Springs, Colorado, where I set us up with a Couchsurfer, Kim Flory, who was kind and crazy enough to be willing to put up six strangers in her house right in a beautiful old neighborhood in Colorado Springs. So one would think we would have no problem getting there at a decent hour. Right. This group loves stops. Each stop seemed to be a minimum of twenty minutes and went on all the way up to an hour sometimes. Whether it was a five cigarette smoke break or an atm, or the van needing propane (yeah, it was finally empty, so we had to fill it up to keep the fridge cool and the stovetop usable - see pic.)




Getting a brief workout in at a rest stop

All was well traffic-wise, until we were about twenty miles outside of Albuquerque, New Mexico, where we hit a dead stop traffic jam, no movement whatsoever, around 7:30pm. Kumara asked a truck driver next to us what the deal was and he said it was down to one lane five miles ahead. (left: pic of Tony & Kim, aka Bonnie & Clyde, at a rest stop in New Mexico) About fifteen minutes of this and I'd had enough. I took a look at the road atlas and saw that about six miles the other way was a back road that would take us to I-25, the north-southbound freeway we were to catch in Albuquerque, yet it would put us about 25 miles south of the city as well. At this point it sounded pretty good, because we were going nowhere anytime soon staying on I-40 east. This is when I took the big van through the dirt median for a big fat U-turn. She handled okay and we were on our way... somewhere. It was nice to get to see the sunset, something you don't get to see heading eastbound, and Kumara got several pictures of it setting over mountains and craters that made up the horizon in New Mexico. It was really beautiful, something to see, all sorts of colors and shapes. Or was that my delusion from driving so long? Ah, who cares, it was beautiful at the time. In a short time we made it to the back road that would take us to I-25. Let me tell you all about this road. Not a soul was to be found, only land for miles and miles, craters in the earth at times, mountains at others, but all the while, the terrain I drove on was curvy and completely flat, and it was awesome. I wish I had a picture to show you, maybe in the next blog. We were truly in the middle of nowhere, my U2-Zooropa album playing, and just enjoying the funky, cool feeling of it all.

So we finally made it to I-25 after about forty minutes of driving on this old two-lane and we were now northbound toward our destination. Yet, this set us back quite a bit. We got gas again after we passed Albuquerque and I passed the keys on to Tony again to try and rest in the back. Of course I had been calling Kim (the Couchsurfer) to give her the updates and to keep setting our ETA back more and more. Finally, at around 3am, three drivers later (Tony, me, then Kumara) we were in Colorado Springs. Would you believe it if I told you that Kim stayed up for us?! Yeah, she did (well, she slept a little and woke back up when we arrived, but just the same - if this isn't a great sales pitch for Couchsurfing I don't know what is.) We all were immediately welcomed upon arrival and all but Cody and Tony slept inside. It was a good and much needed rest.

Day 3: Kansas City Bound



The morning came awefully early. Yet we were woken by Kim telling us that coffee was brewing upstairs in the kitchen for us. Awesome. When I came upstairs six cups, cream, and a large pot of coffee were sitting there waiting for us all. 'Thank you Lord for Kim Flory!' I thought. Showers were going, the motley crew was stirring, and Kim offered to take us to the store, as we were out of eggs and other breakfast items. I gladly took her up on that. Tony wasn't happy about this, as it would set us back and we were already off to a late start again. Oh well, you can't make everybody happy all the time... or even some of the time... lol.

While we (Kumara, Neil, Kim & I) were out Kim insisted that she take us to the Garden of the Gods. In fact she said she was kidnapping us and we had to go, as to take the pressure off of me for getting started so late... fair enough... I like that. We went to the Garden first, then got groceries. See, the goal was to be in and out in five minutes. All was well and good, but where was Neil? You see it is very hard to find Neil in a big public place and he honestly can't get around too quickly, which I feel for him for, but we were running really late. I had Kumara go searching for him and help him while Kim and I pulled the car up. So I will stop talking about these sorts of delays now that you all get the point... they just made it, say, a slower adventure, but I was determined to stay on schedule for more reasons than one.

So, after a short but sweet time eating breakfast with Kim, getting some work done on the computer, and Neil doing Kim's name for her in caligraphy, we were off...

Kumara was scheduled to drive us to Denver, only an hour drive, where we were to drop her off with her friend, then we would be on our way. That went as planned (final pic with Kumara in Denver below - Neil refused to come out of the van for this one.)





Welp, time for me to take the wheel again! Nearly instantaneously after we dropped off Kumara, Neil began to become more annoying, as he now had nobody to compete with for my attention. "How far do you think we'll make it today, Nathan?" "Can we stop somewhere and get some water?" "Are you lost?" "You know I really don't like the way Tony is treating me." "How many miles to Kansas City?" "Tony is a really bad person, Nathan. I tell him to close the door of the van the other night because it was cold and I wanted to sleep and he tells me to shut the hell up! What is that?! Why do you let him disrespect me like this Nathan." and on and on and on. Tony later told me that he had the door open for a minute to let his dog out (this was all while we were in Flagstaff) and Neil instantly began complaining that he couldn't sleep and that was when Tony told him. He told me that he felt bad and apologized for it in the morning. So anyway, from now on, anything I asked Neil to do that had to do with Tony, he wouldn't do it. You see it is very hard to communicate with the people in the back of the van when you're driving because of engine/road noise, yet Neil refused to help me with communication. When Tony was driving he didn't want Neil sitting up front with him because he said that Neil didn't talk to him. I could see that. So he asked if he could have Cody sit up front with him, as they got along well. "No problem," I said. Well, Neil had a problem with that. He refused to give up his front seat because as I said in the previous blog he hated dogs. He wouldn't stand/sit where he did when Kumara was with us, as he said that it is illegal and it is discrimination. 'Great!' I thought. Well, as I was thinking this Tony decided to tell Neil that he had no choice if he didn't want to sit in the back and to sit down and shut up. Sounded good to me at this point. Neil continued to try to pit me against Tony... and now Cody and Kim as well.

Every stop we made Neil seemed angrier and angrier, vains popping out of his forehead while he rubbed his face over and over again in stress and disgust. Every time he had the chance he would turn to me and try to explain how wrong this is, that everyone was treating him so bad. Now let me tell you all, nobody was treating Neil badly. Cody and Kim tried to be nice to him without success several times. Tony just didn't care to talk to him, as he kept hearing Neil talking about him to me. Anyway, we are somewhere in Kansas now. We've been driving all day through Colorado and it was now the middle of the night... somewhere in middle Kansas. This is when Cody came up to me from the back to let me know that he saw sparks in the rear of the van. I asked him if it was when I hit a bump and he said it was. I explained that is was probably just the chains from the trailer hitting the ground. "Oh," he said, "I didn't think of that," and went back to sit down. Shortly thereafter Neil rolled down his window to get some air. I didn't feel anything out of the norm, but when we passed a guard rail I heard a really rough, grinding sound reflecting back to me. I then saw a sign for a rest stop two miles away. I stopped there and went back to behind the van to check it out when... oh my gosh! The trailer had lost an entire wheel and was riding on its axle on the driver's side for maybe, oh 20-25 miles now. Lord have mercy! That was when I turned to the group in the back and told them what it was. The agreed-upon plan was to stay there for the night (it was about 2am at the time) and get up early the next morning to find a wheel while some stayed at the rest stop with the trailer. I kinda felt like Clark on National Lampoon's Vacation when I saw that wheel, clapping my hands and exclaiming, "Well, we're here!"

I camped in my tent, which Cody helped me to pitch, while Cody elected to sleep outside under the stars and the rest were happy sleeping inside the van.


Day 4: Bound to find a trailer wheel & tire somewhere close by


After being woken up by Kim at around 9am I tore down my tent, rolled my sleeping bag and pad, and helped Cody to drag the trailer to a grassy area. Cody told me he talked with the cleaning lady at the rest stop and she said there was a Wal-Mart about 20 minutes back the way we came from. Awesome. So Tony, Neil, and I took the van to find a wheel, tire, and some bolts while Cody, Kim, and their two dogs stayed at the rest stop with the trailer. It was the third place I went, a Tractor Supply type of store that had the exact wheel and tire combo we needed - $42 bucks. Then Neil needed some cooking oil from the grocery store and I insisted on running in to get it. We then fueled up and headed back to the rest stop. At this time Neil is really getting to annoy me. I won't go into the details, just trust me here. So we get back the rest stop. Cody and Tony held up the trailer while I put the wheel on and started each bolt. I cranked down each bolt, everything seemed snug, Cody and I re-attached the trailer, and we were on the road again!


Let me tell you, Kansas is one windy state. At any moment in time a gust of wind could (and would) blow the van half-way into another lane. This made it really fun. Rule #1: Be fully engaged, have both hands on the wheel, and tell Neil, whatever it was about, "not now."

Tony and I traded driving all through Kansas, while Neil never gave up the front seat, that is until Tony told him to again.

So here we are, it's dark and I'm driving when all of a sudden I hear a loud yell from the back of the van. Apparently they had been trying to get my attention for a while but I couldn't hear them. "Pull the (blank) over." yelled Tony. "Kim is getting sick." I immediately pulled over on the side of the freeway to let Kim outside. It was on the next stop at a gas station where Tony was explaining to me that Kim has lupus and that she is not doing well, but does not want anybody to feel bad for her, and that is why she has kept it quiet until now. It was just then that Neil decided to accuse Tony of stealing his water jug from him to use for his dog. This infuriated me, bad time little buddy. I gave him a piece of my mind right then and there, explaining to him how miniscule his problem was right now. This didn't seem to phase him. He then proceeded to tell me that the whole reason why Kim was getting sick and the wheel fell off the van was because God was punishing us for acting so badly toward him. Oh man, I can't believe what I'm hearing. I went inside to go to the restroom and take a break from Neil. When I came back out, I'll be damned if half of Neil's body wasn't out the window as he stared intently into the furious eyes of Tony, who's head was about two inches from Neil as he pointed at him and threatened him in various ways with his life if he didn't shut up right then....

The Crazy Train - Part III - It's amazing Neil is still alive to come soon.